For most people, Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate. I do not think that I am alone in having mixed emotions every year with the holiday. It is a wonderful idea to celebrate moms and everything that they do for us. But when you are someone that no longer has one what then? So today we are peeling back a layer on the subject, Mother’s Day without Mom.
This year it has been 26 years since my mom passed away. How can this be? It seems like just last year in my heart some days. My mixed emotions on Mother’s Day are that I miss my mom and feel guilty celebrating. I know she would not want me to feel this way. On the other hand, I feel extremely blessed to have children and to be a mom. Not everyone is awarded this blessing.
Philippians 1: 3I - I thank my God every time I remember you.
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How To Not Feel Resentment
For those of us that are going through Mother’s Day without our moms, we oftentimes have a myriad of emotions. Whether it is a fresh wound or like me 26 years. Our first instinct is to want to blame someone, we often do this with most things that hurt us in life. The number one go-to blame is God.
God is not to blame; he is walking alongside you through your pain. Even if you feel alone, God is with you always. In the moments you may not think he’s near, he’s still watching over you. “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18
Our first line of defense is to always go to prayer. Keep your relationship with God. If you need extra help, reach out to a friend to talk or a lot of churches have support groups for the loss of loved ones. Being around other people that understand what you are going through helps.
It can sometimes be easy to start feeling anxious and not want to be around other. We did a blog post a few weeks ago that might help with this, I’m Only Talking to Jesus Today. You can read that here.
Grief Doesn’t Have a Time Limit
You will have people in your life that have never experienced the loss of a loved one try to tell you to “get over it”. Grief has a process; “You should be through it already.” We all have our own process and that’s okay.
What isn’t okay is if it’s affecting your daily life and the relationships with the people you love that are still alive. Most days I still cannot talk about my mom and sister without tearing up. But I am still able to go on with my life and make sure my loved ones know that I love them.
Our moms that we lost would not want us to stay in a constant state of sadness. Because don’t we as moms just want our children to be happy? I know I do! I think it would make them sad to think that we were living in a constant state of sadness.
John 16:22 – So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.
Keep Being a Mom
If you have been blessed enough to have children of your own, then try not to get so lost in your grief that you forget to be a mom. Trust me, I know it is difficult.
We oftentimes don’t remember the big things that our moms did for us, it’s the little things. The small moments that live in our hearts and minds forever.
I have adult children now, but I still worry and think about them every day. A mother’s worry never ends. We pray every day for them. Whether they want us to or not!
I often think about how hard it must have been for my mom. Knowing that she was dying of cancer, knowing that she was leaving us, knowing that she wasn’t going to get to see her granddaughter grow up. My daughter was only a year and a half when she passed away. Just thinking about this still makes my heart ache.
Tips For Mother’s Day Without Mom
Healing from a loss doesn’t mean that we forget the person. We can still remember our mom without it ruining the day. We need to shift into a new set of traditions. No doubt it can be difficult.
- If you live close to the cemetery where your mom is buried, that morning or the day prior take flowers. Take a few minutes to say a prayer and reflect. If you don’t have that option, buy a bouquet of flowers, put them in your house, and do the same thing. Only you will enjoy seeing them and thinking of her every time you see them.
- Donate in her name to a charity that you think she would appreciate. Or towards a cause that will help others that are going through what you did or are going through.
- If you are being triggered by Mother’s Day emails and it is still too fresh, unsubscribe for the time being.
- If you have children spend the day with them if you can. And share your favorite photos of your mom and their grandma along with your favorite stories. It is a good thing to keep their memory alive.
- Make your favorite recipes that were your mom’s. And better yet share them with your kids or other special people in your life. Let the tradition continue!
- Most of all give yourself grace! Losing our moms is not easy. We give others grace but oftentimes find it hard to give it to ourselves.
I hope this post helps you this Mother’s Day especially if you have recently lost your mom. Remember, you are never alone. If you know a friend that might benefit from this post, please share it with them.
Please share any encouraging words below in the comments for others going through a loss with Mother’s Day coming up.