Why Is It So Easy To Believe The Worst In Others?

I have learned over this past year that we cannot place our expectations on others. Or be disappointed when they don’t act in a way that we would. But a question that I keep asking myself is, why is it so easy to believe the worst in others?

Proverbs 16:28– A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.

I have been guilty of doing this in the past. Gossiping is human nature, and we have to make a concerted effort not to participate in it. But there is gossip and then there is listening to others tell untruths about someone that isn’t correct. How can we change this in ourselves? Because it doesn’t feel great when it happens to us. And it shouldn’t feel great when you do it to someone else.

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The Battle

I have a few people in my life that appear to have a great outlook on this. They could care less what others say about them or think about them. I wish I was more like this; I am very sensitive. And this is something that I have been working on for the past year. Will I ever totally not care what others think or say about me, no. But I have gotten to the point in my faith that I realize there is only one “person” that matters. The only one who knows what my heart holds and what the truth really is. As Jesus once said: “What is that to you? You follow me.” John 21:22.   

When a stranger believes something that has been said about us it can be easier to not let it bother us. But when it is someone that we place value on, family or a close friend, it can sting. Often it is the people closest to us that believe lies told by the enemy. But why? Maybe they were looking for a reason to doubt you and who you are. Or maybe they want to believe the person feeding them lies about you. Because why would they say such things if they weren’t true?

Luke 8:17 – For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all.

Out Of Our Control

The most freeing thing that I learned over the past year is that I cannot control what others say about me and I cannot control what they believe about me. And friends neither can you. It has been one of the most difficult things I have had to overcome. My instinct when someone comes to me with something negative about someone that I care about is always to ask questions. Not to instantly believe something that sounds out of character for the person.

A few questions that I always ask myself:

• Consider the source. Who is the person telling me the information? Are they trustworthy? Have I ever heard them speak ill about someone else, what is their relationship with that person, and how is their current mental health?
• Are they telling me this to help me and my relationship with that person? Or are they trying to damage my relationship with them? Another scenario can be that you don’t know the person involved and they just need someone to talk to about the situation.
• What could the other side of the story be? Could there be a reason for this situation? Does the situation sound out of character for the person involved, maybe there is more to it that the person doesn’t want to tell.  

Hurt People

Unfortunately, our world is getting more and more negative. Some people seem to thrive on hurting other people. Whether they know them or not. There is only one way that we will get through this. And that is with the help of God.

So maybe the next time we want to believe the worst in others take a minute to pause and pray. Sometimes there are reasons that people have placed boundaries for others in their life. People are complicated and so are situations. The best thing that I have learned over the past few years is to take time to pause before speaking and reacting. Words hurt. A lot.

Proverbs 13:3– Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.

We’ve all been guilty of believing the worst in others. I can admit to doing it. It isn’t easy for us to admit when we are wrong or to look at a situation through someone else’s eyes. Have you been guilty of doing this in the past or have you been the subject of someone else’s false words or accusations? Please share in the comments below.